Monday, June 15, 2009

Lesson: In Vermont, the days of the week are slippery entities at best.

Name: NoNo Queen.  Age: upper-middle.  Subscriber Number: She comes to dress rehearsals.

Email from NoNo:

Hi Luara
TX for all this.  Haven't had a chance to get on the computer since Sat. mid-day.
Yup, I know Opening Night is Thurs and preview is Weds - very slowly getting used to the schedule for what happens when - but I can always use reminders.
See you Wednesday for Opening if not before.

Saturday, June 13, 2009

Lesson: You can't win with the hearing impaired.

Name: Harry C.  Age (approximate): 103. Subscriber Number: 47.

HC: (blatantly vexed that someone would be calling him during dinnertime at 4:15pm) Hello?

LB: Hi, this is Laura calling from Dorset Theatre Festival.  Could I please speak to Harry?

HC: Who?

LB: Harry.

HC (mounting confusion): Who?

LB: Har. Ry.

HC (utter bewilderment): WHO?


HC (indignant that this strange woman on the phone would yell at him): Speaking.

Friday, June 12, 2009

Lesson: Vermont Childhood is about as harsh as Vermont Winter.

Name: DJ Manny the Maniac.  Age: 35, with serious mommy issues and no real job in his near future. Subscriber Number: Unknown.

Radio announcer: ...and that was the 90s at nine!  I never understood why my mother used to send me outside during thunderstorms with a golf club and tell me to hold it up above my head!  ha HA!  Next up, lightning crashes...

Lesson: Give the people of Vermont what they want.

Name: Margaret M. Age: 97.  Subscriber Number: 51.

LB: Dorset Theatre Festival, this is Laura.

MM (high-pitched, crackly old woman voice): Yes, hello, is this Dorset Theater Festival?

LB: Yes.

MM (great relief): What musical are you doing this year?

LB : This year, we’re doing “Marry Me a Little,” a Sondheim musical revue about two lonely people waiting to find love.

Confused pause.

MM (great surprise): You aren’t doing “Altar Boyz”?

LB : No, we’re doing “Marry Me a Little.”


MM (escalating panic): But “Altar Boyz” is very popular.

LB : We decided on “Marry Me a Little” instead.


Long pause.

MM (accusingly): Did you at least CONSIDER “Altar Boyz”?

LB : We thought about it, but went with “Marry Me a Little” at the eleventh hour.

Long pause, laden with disappointment and barely concealed anger.

MM: That’s a shame.  Goodbye.